Intimacy as an Interpersonal Process

In this chapter, we propose a model of the intimacy process. The process begins when one person expresses personally,revealing feelings or information to another. Jt continues when the listener responds supportively and empathically. For an interaction to become intimate, the discloser must feel understood, validated, and cared for. 'Intimacy' and 'intimate'—from the Latin words intimus (innermost) and intimare (to make the innermost known) (Partridge, 1966)—are elusive terms for social scientists. They can be used to refer to feehngs, to. verbal and nonverbal communication processes, to behaviors, to people's arrangements in space, to personality traits, to sexual activities, and to kinds of long-term relationships. What, if anything, do these phenomena have in common? Do all of them relate in some way to making one's innermost qualities known? In a recent overview of intimacy research entitled 'Intimacy as the proverbial elephant', Acitelli and-Duck (1987) observe that 'It is a^iecessary and valuable part of the research enterprise that some researchers must feel some parts of the creature whilst others probe other areas. We will . . . remain bhnd only if we fail to relate the different reports to one pother or if we see them as exclusive or competitive rather than' compatible or complementary' (pp. 306-307). Employing the same-metaphor in an analysis of research on communi­ cation in intimate relationships, Montgomery (1984b) observed that 'at this point in our progress toward.understanding intimates' communication, we are * Now at the State Utuversity of New York at Buffalo.